So I’ve decided to start a blog. Only because I’ve found something I’m really passionate about and need to get out into the world to ask about and discuss. I haven’t really thought about ‘structure’ or anything so bear with me…
I’m really worried about the world I’ve brought my daughter into, Elodie (sounds like melody) is 2 and a half, she’s bright, funny,caring, feisty as hell and won’t wear anything unless she wants to. Annoying, yes, but i’m dying to harness it.
I also have a 5 year old son who is clever, kind, sensitive and a little bit cheeky… So I’m doing alright and probably don’t have too much cause for concern where my children are concerned. But the scary thought is, if they both wanted to be parents, scientists, footballers, married, whatever – my daughter would probably be more judged in all of those things than my son would.
Before you continue, this isn’t anti-men in any way (I love men, I have men as best friends and a lovely bloke sat beside me in life) this is about the fact that lots of women see other women as competition and so begins a cycle of criticism, body shaming, oneupmanship, terrifying out-parenting and general bitchiness.
How could my chubby arms make me a worse mum? How could my love handles affect my IQ? How could my un-peachy behind make me a bad partner or friend?
Those things don’t correlate, but we emphasise the importance of the exterior so much that it becomes what we judge each other on rather than bothering to find out who the person behind the facade is. We’re the generation of Photoshop and social media and contouring, we can make anything look good. But whose idea of beauty are you conforming to and what is so wrong with admitting to being something way more beautiful, like flawed?
We’re told to buy anti ageing products like ageing is bad (sadly, the opposite of growing old is dying young) or to have bigger lips, bums, boobs and a smaller waist. What about the size of your brain? What about the sort of person you want to be? Instead of learning to paint our faces like painting by numbers why don’t we broaden our minds? Because clever isn’t cool?
At the end of primary school, girls usually outperform boys academically. By the end of secondary school, the scores are fairly level. In earnings, men often do much better. Do men just play catchup in their teenage years? Do young women have lower aspirations? Do the bitchy girls in the toilets win over a really clever girl and affect her confidence to achieve? Who knows. But if that girl had a little of the spirit she had as a toddler, they might not have won and she could still achieve her potential… Maybe we need to make sure our girls don’t lose their feisty temperaments.
It’s not about setting your bra alight or stopping shaving your legs its about being who you want to be and enjoying your individuality without being judged for it. If you want to wear make up, be a stay at home mum or become a doctor and that will make YOU happy then do it! If you want to tie your hair back when you have prominent ears or rock some Dr Martens then do it! Life’s too short to fit other people’s ideas of what you should be and being honest with the world is so much more fun.
I had boys a friends for years because they’re only competitive about football and music quizzes and… Well everything, but I have so many badass woman in my life that can’t see how amazing they are because some girl is younger/prettier/thinner… They’ve always seen other women as the competition and so they compete with themselves. It’s crazy and sad and if only we harnessed the attitude of the little girls who wear exactly what they want, look out for others and prioritise their sense of self we would be much more equal to the boys.
The solution to losing the wider sisterhood is far bigger than me writing this, we need to change a culture that’s a money-making behemoth. Being kinder to ourselves, and other women generally is a step in the right direction, showing our daughters that girls are her friends. Raising each other up, complimenting one another. I often tell random women I like their hair. (My closer friends I often tell that I admire something a bit more about their character, like Tasha’s sense of knowing exactly the right things to say or how good a friend Lauren is because she cares so much) but just telling a woman next to you in the queue that you like her trousers is nicer than thinking how dreadful they would look on my flat backside.
I’ll be sure to raise both my children to treat women as friends and with respect, because they’ll learn by their mum’s example.